But They Hurt My Son!! 2016.10.30
As a father, I have a deep protective side towards my son. He has seen it since he was a little boy - unmonitored, slightly older kids swearing at the playground, kids who take advantage and cut lines in front of my son, to even recently, a father who kept pelting at my son during paintball... I almost lost it and I was with disciples! But if something were to ever happen to my son, Jaden... I'm scared because I truly wouldn't know what I'd do. Even at a young age, when something happened that brought my "dad-side" out, I'd ask my (then) young son if he wanted me to take care of it. His response was always "Wow, dad! You're tough!!" (meaning, I won't tolerate a negative environment around my son).
But if something were to happen to someone I truly cared about (and I pray that this never does), but the most difficult thing would be , keeping the focus the victim. I say that because my initial focus would be "the earth will be one or two people lighter" [let's keep it real]. I know that we need to forgive, but how do you forgive someone who isn't repentant? God forgives us, but only when we humbly approach Him so why do I need to forgive them?
The bottom line is - you forgive because you yourself were forgiven... because for your salvation... because if you don't, then you slowly poison your heart & mind. That's what unresolved bitterness does - it destroys you. I may not be able to control my son's offender's actions or attitudes, but by the grace of God, and His help, I have to learn how to control my own.
There is a difference between the unconditional forgiveness that Jesus expects us to show our offenders:
14For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. | ||
Matthew 6:14-15 |
and the forgiveness we receive from God through the action of asking for it and the repentance of our sins. This requires believing. This won't help us unless we have faith. But we forgive others in response to the grace that's been shown to us. But if we're not willing to forgive, then we haven't fully understood the grace of being forgiven.
Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little. | ||
Luke 7:47 |
This also holds true to our offender's attitude towards their actions.
Sometimes, it's necessary to find someone to talk to, to help one work thru what's happened. This does not circumvent God - I firmly believe that God works through many avenues, and therapy is one of them. I know through personal experience that I love God more now than ever before, because of therapy. He's the one that brought me there, He's the one that used my therapist to free up a lot of hurt in my heart. When I think of my past, I think of all of the negative emotion, thought, time and energy that I would use just because of my struggles. Where now, i've freed up most of that - and because I know that it's all God's doing, I want to give all of that to Him.
I pray that we never ever have to be tested like this, ever in our lives. (I'm even afraid to write this up, in fear that I'm soon to be tested) But in times like those, wee need to remember our God, His power, but more importantly, His forgiveness & grace. Justice will truly be His, but "letting Him have it" is a completely different challenge. Praying for God's grace is what's needed, especially if someone you love has been hurt because of this. No, it will not be easy. But you need to focus on your loved one - leave the offender to God
