I don’t know why but I have a difficult time in watching valued relationships unexpectedly unravel. And the more illogical it is, the crazier I seem to become over it. It’s not healthy, I know that. It is, unfortunately, something that happens. People come, and people go - It’s what you do during that time that matters. That part… I am beginning to understand that part.

I am learning that I am a slave to my emotions, properly founded or not. If a conversation happens, it doesn’t take long before it turns into a conversation about me… How I feel, what this did to me, how they hurt me… It’s a downward spiral to the most unproductive conversation. I have learned to try & not give into this selfishness, and simply keep my mouth closed. I have learned that you need two hands to clap, and it’s apparent that they don’t want to participate. I still battle in my head to simply point out the pink elephant in the room, pointing & screaming it all to their faces… (because it seems that stupid)(to me). So I’ve learned that all I can do is pray, for them and myself, for the strength to not do anything so God can handle it… and it is hard. All I can do is paint a humble smile on my face and do my best to still love them, in action since we are incapable of words. In other words, I try to not be "me".

I want to kick in the front door, and shake people. I want to be emotional (and lack logic). I want to be the opposite of what God wants me to be. The last thing I want be, is humble. But God wants me to step out of the battle. He wants to speak truths to my heart, so things can begin to make sense. He wants to show me where I went wrong with this "relationship problem", but I can’t hear Him if I’m stuck in the fight. This is something we can only see if we are in the quiet.

If there’s one thing that I do know, it’s that emotions only make things worse (when it comes to ‘conflict resolution’). It is only thru decades of (figuratively) banging my head against the wall, where I’ve began to learn the value of James 1:19: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry". It’s only when we can begin to exercise this scripture during a tough time that we can stop digging our hole even deeper, and allow God to lift us to a more rational place.

When we allow God to "tag [us]out" of a fight, He’s the one whose getting tagged in. You can rest, recuperate, and replenish. You can step away from the fight… a fight you will not win on your own, fighting it in your own way. By allowing God in, we can focus our energy on giving Him our anxious hearts, because He loves us exactly where we are, and how we are. And because His love comes without judgement, we can feel safe enough to humbly admit that we need Jesus to work on us. Another thing that I’ve learned is that I can only control "me" - I can’t control the weather, bad thing from happening, other people, my own son, and most importantly, I can’t control God [thank God!] It is not in my skillset or job description to fix anyone, especially when I can’t even fix myself! But God can, so let Him work on us, and watch real progress happen.

And when we tag God in, and we allow Him to calm our hearts, when we can begin to (again) that our real enemy in this fight, isn’t the other person with whom we’re in conflict. My "fight" with the other person isn’t the other person, but Satan and more importantly, his influence. It’s that influence that affects all involved, that’s the real culprit. The funny thing is, we can’t realize that in the heat of it all… And that’s exactly where the devil wants us to remain. But in the quiet that God provides, where we can become alert and gain strategy for acting & reacting in a more self-controlled manner.

Sometimes, relationships grow stronger through conflict. But other times, they end. The only constant in all of this is, God will use this conflict for good, regardless of the outcome. Since I can’t control the other person, I must keep focusing on the good that God is working out in me. I have to leave the outcome with Him.

In the end, this struggle can be used by God to make each of us stronger, and more capable in our relationships. If we are humble enough to receive from Him what He wants to teach us through this, we can rest assured with whatever the outcome is.