So, i haven't blogged in quite some time, but after the weekend I had, God needs to get more of my time (as if He needs it!!) so I need to make some serious changes now. I had a therapy session Friday night, and that's been going well! I feel like i'm on the tail-end of therapy, where I only see my therapist every 2-3mths, so... GO GOD!! But we covered a topic that I'm better at now, but still need more work on...

Forgiveness towards people or circumstances that seem to cause nothing but frustration.

And it went as expected - The topic brought about such angst (obvious indicators that I struggle with forgiving others), i felt like i was resorting to an old excuse I used when I had started therapy:

"I'm doing what I can... i am where I am... I can't do much more than that for now."

As much as my therapist loves me, i can tell that she was getting frustrated with my stubbornness. I got it - Harboring resentment leaves room for the devil, it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, and the biggest one "God forgives you, and you can't forgive?" I understand this so much that I become even more frustrated (with myself) because, for as true as these statements are, I can't get past the underlying issue with forgiveness. The session ended with that feeling like we covered some great points, but no real progress was made (and that's on me).

The next morning, I was joining some brothers in going to a "Iron Sharpens Iron" conference for men, and it was obvious that God wasn't done with the subject of forgiveness. You have to understand, this is my first time going so I didn't know what to expect. The singing was amazing! To hear men who love God bellow out the songs of worship, got my blood flowing! The introduction was good, but the opening message (or sermon) was the spiritual punch to the face that many today need.

Jeff Iorg came to the stage and i'm going to be honest - he looked like a professor, and we were going to get a boring lecture on chemistry. (Sorry - I'm a person who unfairly categorizes things some times...) I say chemistry because he is an intelligent guy! He brought up examples of forgiveness that made me question the validity in me holding issues against anyone! He covered the usual reasons on why we should forgive, and then kicked me in my spiritual minerals to made sure that the message truly made it "home".

He told us that as imperfect people, we are to forgive others because God has forgiven us, that we are to forgive even if the "offenders"ask for it or not, that you forgive frequently... that you forgive lavishly... He said that he heard a message where we forgive with some of the smallest measuring spoons made... And yet, God forgives with ladles upon ladles. Forgiveness removes your right for revenge, but not their accountability for the offensive actions. He also said (to me, it felt) that you came in w\unforgiveness for someone... and that He wants me to leave w\o that baggage.

He then asked us to pray with him, asking God to help us to forgive. I repeated each line after he said it, asking God for that ability, and each line just caused the hardness around my heart for this subject, to begin to break away. I listed off the names of the people I have had issues with (years for most) and felt God's love wash over me. And yet, God still wasn't done with me on this subject.

And after that message, I joined a class led my Mike Whitmer - this guy is intense! When he said that he was about to kill this group of people, I couldn't blame him (sorry - sad but true). I saw a familiar scariness that he changed bc of God, and his message was a testimony to how he needed to change for God. I won't go into detail about his story, but it literally broke my heart, as a man & as a father. Mike spoke about how his need for forgiveness is an ongoing battle, but he does not want to lose that fight... He does it for God, which rolls down to his family and himself.

Where Jeff stopped, Mike said that forgiveness is a choice and a starting point. (pow! another hit to my bones)

He said that the hardest person to forgive wasn't the person who caused all of this pain, but himself! Every time he saw the people who were affected by this travesty, every time those times became difficult, he couldn't forgive himself for not killing the people involved. Even his God-fearing mother asked him, "if you want, i can have these people killed in prison"!! I mean, wow!

There are many "disciples of God" in the world, but there are too many of these people who complain when moments in life suck! But when Mike chose to forgive these people, nothing changed that day. In fact, nothing is going to happen until you pick up your cross again.

Just because you forgave doesn't mean that it's over. To this day, Mike isn't over the pain of what happened.

There is so much more to his story that i'm not doing it justice by giving you bits & pieces, but God's message came in loud & clear. When you chose to not forgive someone, then you are literally telling God that you don't need His forgiveness... His loving and overflowing forgiveness... forgiveness that we need on a daily basis. I thank God for that message, but also for his persistence to not give up on me when I became stubborn.

I know that i usually note scripture in my posts, but I was overwhelmed with humility an energy for God, that I really needed to write out what was on my heart, and hope that you can forgive me for leaving scripture out (for today only).