#GodHatesMyInsecurities 2017.09.07
I've been waking up recently, with the heavy thought of "former friends" on my mind. There are some friendships (unfortunately) that have either went awry, aren't the healthiest, or just shouldn't have taken off at all (well, should've been handled with extreme boundaries...) So there looms this obvious uneasiness between us, but it's nothing that I can really do - You see, it takes two to have a conversation and these people are more "avoiders" than "addressers" so... not much will change.
Anyhow, I remember walking into church last Sunday, and one of them was greeting people at the door.... and as they were going thru the line of people in front of me, they turned and carried a conversation with the ones in front of me, in an obvious attempt to avoid. In my opinion, it was textbook avoidance - I can say this because I'm a pro at this. I've spent most of my life executing this action with others.
Annoying, yes... but hey, "they are where they are" so... But i've been feeling as if this unapproachable image is being held against me. (I deleted what I initially wrote because I'm going to keep the finger pointed at me) It was interesting to see this person "act" this way in front of me, but more importantly, for me to acknowledge it, and in a way, understand why they were doing this. Insecurities are masked with pride, anger or anxiety... So who am I to judge anyone?
And yet, my insecurities have been plaguing me all week, bellowing in my head that I am some unapproachable monster with issues... and that's all I will ever be. Some guy with issues who can only survive by the mercy & forgiveness of others.
And yet, that is not what God tells me. I am loved by God, so I am more important than my insecurities, or people's shady looks. But more importantly, I am forgiven by God, so the viewpoints of others, but more importantly MY viewpoints of myself, carry no weight. God has shown me that my past is not an indicator of my future.
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, | ||
Luke 4:18 |
God has released all of us from the prisons we have personally held ourselves in, but have we? The looks from my "former friends" may never change, but it's me who can use that to feed into my insecurities, displacing myself even further from God's Word. But God doesn't want this. He is watches us, waiting to see what we do when those moments happen - Will you do what you've done most of your life, or what He wants you to do? Firmly stand in what you believe in because it's not "what's best for you" but "what's best for God"?
