For the past months, I find myself to be 'fairly content". And for me to say that, is a mazing and a testimony to God. I still have the same worries (family, work, live, and empty ring finger, ...) but God makes it all "ok".

But the past couple of days has been difficult. I find myself battling the flu, but more importantly, a case of returning insecurities. My quiet times have suffered because of it, as my prayer times, and I am definitely feeling sin, the devil, the wall between God and myself... The one positive thing that I can say, the one thing that shows growth is... At least I am aware of what's missing or wrong, I know that the devil has me reacting to his whispering taunts, and I know what I need to do. And yet, I find it difficult to do, even if it's to regain that "happiness" that I've been used to for some time.

I find myself dwelling in selfishness, thoughts of what I need or had, coveting relationships or friendships, ... Self-pity is evident and the looming holidays don't help. At this particular moment, it's hard to remain content when I see others with things that I'd like for myself. But I think that it's a bit more difficult to fight off the things we did once enjoy and no longer can. Yes, loss is inevitable, but living in contentment is the daily battle.

Always, but especially in times like this, we need to remember that Jesus understood sacrifice & loss. He set aside life in heaven & came to Earth.

Contentment sounds like a mellow, easygoing word, but some days, it takes an incredible amount of courage to walk in it. This is when we need to pray to God for the courage & endurance to hold onto the gratitude we must have in our hearts. We need to beg Him to regain our focus to return to Him.