I am currently working thru some "things" with some people that have caused a bit of struggle, on both sides. I may have an idea on what's happening, but it doesn't do anyone any good if there's this uncomfortable "space" between us. And it certainly doesn't help when this involves friends - from "a friend," to two "very good friends," to "one of the most important friends I have."

I struggle because the thought of this "space" fuels my insecurity - Just the idea that a friend and I have an "issue", throws me off so much that it allows the opportunity for me to be robbed of my happiness. But they aren't the ones robbing me - I'm doing this all on my own!

One night, flip-flopping between "accepting the situation" and "seriously struggling" from it, I got some advice from some close friends. After a lot of vulnerability & emotion, I remember one piece of advice that they gave me - They asked me if I pray for myself?

Still hung up in my emotions, I responded, "I do pray for them, but it's hard because there are times when I don't want to!" After giving me a moment to calm down a little, they re-asked the same question. I responded with, "um... isn't that a little selfish?"

They explained how this is a "crashing plane" scenario - You can't help anyone put their oxygen mask on until you put yours on first. They explained how you can pray so much for someone else, and that God can do anything, but if they're not willing to change (or ready to), then they won't. And in the end, this just makes an even frustrating situation that much more frustrating.

They gave an example where, because of a co-worker that was "difficult" to get along with, they would spend the entire drive into work, praying for themselves - for the strength to remain godly, to have patience, to remain strong despite the struggles, but more importantly - to remain happy regardless if the person-in-question is or isn't.

Praying for your your own needs is essential, because although God knows everything about you, He still wants to hear all of this from you. And since He is Most Powerful, He can help. Even Jesus prayed for himself while He was on Earth. And praying for yourself will empower you to live the way God wants you to, and grow to become more like Jesus along the way. But how can we do this and remain godly?

Specific prayers: Don't hold back in the details when you talk to God. Pray for perspective, priorities, provision, pardon & protection in your own life. Praying for God to be sacred in your life today, for forgiveness, and to remain safe from the devil are some examples.

Keep your quiet times strong: Consistent & strong bible study helps in knowing what God wants, what makes Him happy or disappointed. When we study, look for scriptures that we want to be true in our lives. When it comes to your life or struggles, ask yourself whose speaking in your life: You, or God. Frequently asking yourself, " Will this honor God?", "What's my motivation for wanting this?", or "Would Jesus Himself pray for this?" is an awesome start.

Pray for instant obedience: Most of the time, we struggle because God is trying to teach us something. And most likely, we're having a problem with that change. If you want God's help, don't negotiate, debate or stall.

Pray for a guarded mouth: When we struggle with situations or people, we need to be mindful of how we pray. I know that you're not praying, "GOD!!! SMITE THEM DOWN!!" (well, I hope that you're not), but we need to pray in re: to them, not for revenge or anything ungodly, but that you both remain godly. Praying for God to help us remain "happy" is not a bad thing! I don't know of any father who wants their child to remain unhappy! Pray that your words can remain positive and reflect God's grace.

Pray for your faith: Ask God to increase your faith. Ask God to keep your fears & doubts at bay, to trust Him even though you can't "see" Him, and to fill you with the Holy Spirit as you place your faith in Him.

Pray for courage: Frustration is a form of fear. Maybe you feel like you're not in control, or you don't understand something. "My sister has stopped talking to me, and she won't tell me why?" can be an overwhelming thought. Approaching this with a humble heart is a start, but you should have nothing to fear if you are willing to take your share of the responsibility, and stand for what's true & right. But there are times where you may have to stand alone for a while (well, God's always with you). The other person may not be ready to "address" the situation and you may have to wait.

Pray for "less" of you: When we fight, it's easy to take on a "victim" mentality - we all do it to some degree. "They hurt\disappointed me!" is a valid statement. You have every right to feel this way, but it cannot control your reactions. Pray to be free from the desire to gain glory for yourself in re: to the situation. Focus on humbly serving in whatever ways that bring God the glory.

I walked into my friend's house, with the idea of going to a different church the next day. I knew that I would have a difficult time not showing my heart on my sleeve. My friends... even my close & dear friend, are not speaking to me!! And you want me to sing (in my choir) in front of them?!? Are you crazy? I'd probably become emotional and regret even attending..

But when I left their house, I had a more godly understanding on what I needed to do. I prayed several short prayers, pleading to God to keep these creeping reminders of what's happening, from stealing my happiness! I was not blaming the people involved, but the devil (and my insecurities). He can use a memory of my friend to bring back the sadness of the situation... starting me on my downward spiral in misery. But praying these small yet multiple prayers proved 100% reliable!

I woke up and walked into the building where I normally worship, got up on stage with a smile on my face and God in my heart because of Him. And yes, I saw my friends, but could keep my happiness because this wasn't about anger or frustration - It was about a group of people who are hurt. My friends are hurt in some way because of something that's happened. But along with praying for them & their hearts, I pray that I can keep my own happy as well.

I pray for the endurance and patience that I need right now to continue to love my friends.... especially during their time of silence. I pray for the ability to listen when they begin to speak again... I pray for ability to maintain a healthy conversation... But most importantly, I pray for God to be there in the midst of our conversation.

But until that happens, I call upon God to wipe away any darkness so my insecurities have nothing to feed upon. I pray that I do not lose my smile, or light in my heart, or laughter, during these difficult times, or any other, and how He does not want any of that either.

Pray for the ability to remain godlike (which includes happiness) during whatever the devil may throw at you. I know it sounds far-fetched - trust me, I take things personally, but this works! Although my day wasn't perfect, no day ever is! But I was able to live my life with the joy that God has given me, and not let these difficult things rob me of my joy. Yes, my insecurities were tested but that only meant that I needed to constantly pray to God for His strength.

and it worked.

God loves us that much.