I have never struggled with a major ailment (cancer, lyme disease, ...)

Apart for 6mths back when I was 29, I've always had a job that took care of me & my bills. And even then, I wasn't married or a father, so it could've been worse.

I have a welcoming personality, where people feel comfortable and open up to me.

I have a (sometimes bizarre) sense of humor.

I am liked and loved.

And yet, I feel lonely. I feel as if my friends are not there (well, most are not there) but that's probably because

1) they're engrossed in their own lives

2) they dont have a clue as to how to "be there" for me, so they take the cheap way out & avoid me. Conversations, phone calls & texts are few & far between.

I do struggle with a fear of abandonment, so this definitely does not help with moments like now.

Unlike the past, I know that God is there and has a Plan... I don't harbor any ill-will towards Him, or towards my "friends"... I have every right to be disappointed in their lack of concern for me (i never hear from any of them, but I'm one of the first that they call when they need something), but it doesn't change my friendship with them. In the past, i would be angry. Now, I am frustrated & tired because I have tried to use methods I have learned in therapy, to obtain a healthy result, has only produced distanced friendships, a lack of truth or vulnerability, and silence.

I have developed new friendships outside of my "apparent friends" (single guys) and I am grateful. No one knows what to do or say, but them simply being there to remind me that I am not "alone", is encouragement enough. I have also developed new friendships with people who are very familiar with the things that I struggle with... but all in all, I am afraid of "losing" these new friends... well, because, i'm in this predicament due to the lose of "3 close friends" - friendships that I held in high respects & regard.

I have prayed to God over my current situation many times during the day - by myself and with friends. I have confessed to Him how I feel, sad & upset, but have also prayed for the people involved. And not in a "FIX THEM" type of way, but to pray that their hearts remain pliable towards Him. Despite the fact that I am not a fan of this, I understand that friendships come & go - It's just the ones that matter and leave without an actual goodbye, or a reason, that hurt the most. But God has never left our side...

Lonliness is just a feeling, but it can cause us to make some stoopid mistakes. It is temporary as it is deep - It will pass in time, and we usually end up kicking ourselves because we gave it too much control when it was around.

As a disciple, we are to follow Jesus, and not our feelings. Think about it - He is the best friend anyone of us could have, but they all abandoned Him when He needed them most! But He knew that this would happen:

I love how He didn't feel sorry for himself, or whine (*man! I've got a lot to learn!!*) But He also didn't make foolish decisions because of His feelings. It's tough, but I really need to recalibrate my mind & heart so it reflects a realistic comparison of my problems to His problems.

We also need to pray to develop godly relationships. I want a "Jonathon" in my life! Someone who loves God more than anything, but also is there to be friends with, enjoy, encourage one another, while we glorify God. I am stuck in a rut over "lost relationships with close friends" but in speaking with some mature people, these people have some serious issues. (Don't get me wrong - I am a person with issues as well). Maybe God has "removed" them (or demoted them in my life) because we are on different places in life now.

Maybe another reason why I'm stuck where I am is because I am not protecting my heart as if my life depended upon it. If I did, then my heart would've led me closer to God... instead I've wandered closer to destruction. Although difficult at the moment, I have to remind myself that God knows better than me, that He is still "creating" me, and I need to be thankful for that.

And lastly, through any difficult time, we need to be rooted in Scripture. We need to search out scriptural promises that will encourage & enlighten. For most of us, when we hurt, we eat. We seek out comfort food and usually, it's not great for our bodies. Our bodies don't immediately die, but it begins to hurt or suffer over time. The same theory can works with our hurt hearts during times like these. A healthy diet of Scripture will strengthen our spirit and hearts. It will help us to remain focused upon Him, and determined to remember that God always has good things laid out for us.