I have been taunted recently about my past, and where I am today. The past haunts me as if the devil is pulling all of the right strings... I pray, I study, I try to leave it with God, but my thoughts go back to past moments. I know full well that things are where they are because it's what God wants, but my mind hasn't dug its feet deep enough to hold it's ground. I don't pray for God to take this away from me - I am (and these struggles are) here for a reason. Part of me misses my past, but I know that things are better off now... that this is where everything's supposed to be.

And yet, I keep looking back.

Jesus wants us to get this into our hearts & minds, so we can plow straight ahead, into what He has in store for us in this life.

I feel like the Israelites when they were leaving Egypt - they were scared and looked back at Egypt as they walked out. The past is the past, God's miracles are all around you, and yet we linger too long in memories, irregardless of how happy/emotional/negative they may have been.

I struggle because I know this. I know that God has a plan for me, that my life (in His Plan) will be more incredible that I could ever imagine... That my future will outshine my past, and yet I can't stop "looking back". I have not "fully surrendered' to Him, and it's driving me crazy. I pray, and want a relationship with Him so badly, I want to insanely love Him, I acknowledge all that He's done for me, and continues to do... And yet, im struggling to put a smile on my face because im too busy looking at my past.

Whether it's abuse, trauma, past relationships or failures, we're all carrying a certain amount of baggage from our past. But not being able to let go of that can seriously harm our walk with God. People have realized that and have been able to let it go because it robs them of the joy & happiness that God bestows upon them daily.

But some people have not broken free from their past. They still feel the pain & see the injustices and can't get any victory over it. That is why God is the One who will get you out of all of this. Pray to Him to help you "fully surrender" to Him, He alone will help you move & break free from your past. Pray that you can forgive the person (or people) who have hurt you in your past. He alone will right the wrongs - We have been commanded to love & forgive.

What stinks is that I know all of this - and yet, I am scared and still struggling from my past. This seems impossible to get through at the moment, but I know that God's the only person who will help me get through this. He is the master of the impossible, and I know that He wants me to get thru this, but only thru Him.