I met up with a brother for coffee recently and he is a great surprise. I've only known him topically, but these times spent, i've gotten to see some similarities that we share. I respect & admire the progress that he's made in his walk with God, and consider him a valued resource when it comes to topics such as my ex-wife.

As I was sharing my recent happenings, I recall sharing how i've learned to accept situations that won't seem to get resolved, and feel compassion for the ones involved bc, when asked, there is nothing wrong. I shared how I've learned to not let "this" issue rob me of my joy, with others or in front of them. I've learned & grown to not spend so much time contemplating issues like these (and trust me, it's taken a very long time to get here), the issue lies with the other party bc they don't want to resolve\express this, and yet look at me with discontent.

He commented soon afterwards, "That's ok... that sounds like pride" in me.

I have to tell you, those words have been echoing within me since.

You see, most of my life, i've had a hollow sense of pride bc I lacked self-esteem & self-confidence - I was so prideful bc i'd seen little worth in me. And now, i'm on the polar opposite where I can see my value much clearer, I want to believe that I have a (maybe too) healthy level of self-confidence. And confidence can easily be interpreted as arrogance... or pride, right?

My excuse is - Self-worth is something new, so going from the negative end of the spectrum, to the polar opposite, is normal. I need to balance it out somehow. And I'm learning that the true definition of "confidence" is that very thing, but that it's laden with humility. And that confidence unchecked is a self-accepted level of pride.

But we all know that pride will kill you. It's the sin that's most likely from crying out to Jesus. And those who think that they are well, will not go looking for a doctor.

The problem is, pride is dangerous as it is difficult to spot. A drunk will have a difficult time on seeing the problem, forget about how to fix it. Pride is deadly because it affects our eyesight - it causes is to look through a lens that colors & distorts reality. It even disguises our own sin's ugliness as something beautiful or acceptable.

As mentioned above, pride causes us to filter out the evil we see in ourselves, but it also causes us to see the faults in others. We filter out God's goodness in the people around us. I personally struggle with this because often, when i'm drafting up a communion or contribution talk, I focus less on how it applies to me, and focus more on "who really needs to hear this"

This one's a bit more obvious... We know our hearts not right when we look or speak of others with contempt, irritation, frustration or judgment. But that is a symptom of pride. It's where these unfavorable traits usually come from, it cowers in our jokes about "the craziness of that person". What's scary is, it could also be in our prayers to God for our friends that are, subtly or not, tainted with some form of irritation.

When pride lives in our hearts, we're far more concerned with others' perceptions of us than the reality of our hearts. We fight the sins that have an impact on how others view us, and make peace with the ones that no one sees. We have great success in the areas of holiness that have highly visible accountability, but little concern for the disciplines that happen in secret.

more tomorrow...