You May Not See It, But You've Changed 2017.04.19
I had d-group with the north single guys and Harry brought out some great scriptures. One was:
12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. | ||
Colossians 3:12-17 |
After we read that, Harry asked us "Where can you relate to this?" My response was dreadfully honest - "I suck at all of this!" It's not a lie - As I am learning about myself & well-being (physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, ...), I struggle with all of this because I "see" the "unhealthy" in a lot of things. And for now, the best thing to do is "step back". That means, unhealthy relationships or people, and although that protects me, it doesn't show compassion or patience. It definitely doesn't show "bear with each other".
But not to sound like a "dark cloud", I know that I've grown in patience and gratitude. Which is why I've been compelled to restart this blog.
I had to cancel my weekday visit (Tuesday) with my son yesterday due to car problems (he lives 40min away). His mom was snarky in her response when I updated her the day before the scheduled visit (Monday), I made sure that she was aware, with plenty of time to adjust for things that were just out of "her\my control". It's when I got my car fixed that brought about a situation that simply makes me struggle.
After speaking with my son, he agreed for me to come get him on the day after our scheduled visit (Wednesday). Being the adult, I reached out to his mom to get her "ok" as it was her scheduled day (and I will not give her any fuel for any court-driven fire). Of course, she does not reply to my multiple texts. Even on the day of the "proposed rescheduled visit", she still won't respond to my texts or calls. Of course, when she finally responds, she says that I have already gotten this information thru our son - This coming from the same person whose said that I "am to leave our son out of any communication that goes between us".
In the past, I would've blown up hours ago! The nailed-driven thought that she's not responding was her attempt to "stick it to me". And although I found this to be frustrating, I also thought that she must be so sad that this is how she needs to behave. That her life or headspace is so miserable that this is the best course of action? (Yes, i remember - I used to be worse!)
What I do know is that, how I currently handle things now, in comparison to how I handles things in "the past", is 100 times better! And I seriously give all of that to God. Although not a habit, I pray for her, and for her to begin to know God (which would be a miracle in itself), for the benefit of our son. How can I learn to "see" God's Power, with all that He's done for me, and not want Him to help my ex-wife?!? (Let me tell you - The "old me" would've wanted her to continue to suffer!) Despite what "Old Cecil" wanted, I've learned to appreciate the meaning of the following:
But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, | ||
Matthew 5:44 |
Again not consistently, but when my heart's more aligned with God, I can think less about myself (and my frustration or rage) and feel compassionate for my ex-wife. Of course,this is not easy... and she doesn't help but... How difficult was I to God & His patience? How much more do I need to "pass that on" to others?
